Kick Starts

Burnout: Breaking the Cycle, Restoring Balance

April 09, 2024 • Sylvia Flanagan, LMFT, Motivational & Behavioral Coach • Episode 48

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In this episode, I tackle the complex and important issue of burnout. With insights into how it starts and how it grows, I discuss ways to recognize and address burnout, and encourage listeners to prioritize their well-being for a more balanced life. I'll outline the 12 stages of burnout and offer insights on how to recognize when you or someone you care about is walking this slippery slope. I discuss tools to prevent and heal from burnout, emphasizing the importance of being honest with yourself about your path and  priorities, making tough decisions you might face and prioritizing what's of greatest importance to keep a healthy work/life balance.

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Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome to Kickstarts. I'm your host, sylvia Flanagan. In today's episode, I'm gonna do a deep dive into burnout what it is, what the stages of burnout are and what you can do to prevent it and get out of it. But before I start the show, if you enjoy my show, please follow it so you don't miss any episodes, and leaving me a rating and a review would be really, really appreciated. It's through my listeners like you and word of mouth that the show gets listened to by more people, so if you value it, I'd love it if you'd pass it on to a friend. The more feedback I get from you and the more followers the show gets, the more I want to keep it going. So the term burnout was coined in the 1970s by a psychologist named Herbert Freudenberger. It's a lot more than just feeling tired or stressed out, though, and part of the reason I'm doing this episode is so that you can understand the progressive nature of burnout, because you don't want to ignore the less severe stages that you might otherwise dismiss. Yes, you feeling burned out might just be an unusual period of stress, but it could also be a pattern, so I hope, when you're done listening to this episode, you'll have a good understanding of what signs to look for and get proactive about, whatever it is that might be starting to burn you out.

Speaker 1:

True burnout is when you're physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted because of prolonged stress, overwork or feeling overwhelmed. It always involves stress and being out of balance. It's when you're running on empty, you're consistently giving more than you're getting back, and when everything in life starts to feel drained and you feel depleted. It's when you come to a place where you start feeling you've got nothing left to give. You end up detached, largely unmotivated, cynical, hopeless and depressed. It doesn't just happen from working too much, although that's where we hear most people talk about getting burned out. It can happen also if you're a caregiver for a long period of time for someone who's ill. Working parents definitely face the possibility of burnout and basically anything that you dedicate yourself to on an ongoing basis. That leads to intense imbalance.

Speaker 1:

When people reach a place of true burnout, it's pretty much impossible to cope with everyday stress and handle the day-to-day stuff that you have to do. An ounce is going to feel like a pound, and real burnout doesn't just go away. It's a symptom of a problem, of a pattern, and every stage of burnout is trying to get your attention in the loudest of ways, because burnout is a culmination of a lot of signs that came way before you get to a crashing point. It's your body, mind and spirit's way of saying I'm done, something's got to give, and right now it's going to be you if you don't change things. Most of us don't reach full burnout, but there's a lot of people that are on their way or progressively walking in that direction and they just get stuck hanging out there in a bad zone. So there's actually 12 stages of burnout and I'm gonna go through them. So if anyone recognizes themselves in any of these stages, I hope you'll be proactive and do something about it before it gets worse. Or, if you see it in someone else, try and get their attention before it gets worse for them. Also, and even if you don't think it'll get worse, know the signs for what they are so you can hopefully reevaluate how you're going through life if it takes a turn that you weren't expecting. I'm going to use the context of work as an example while talking about the stages, because that's the most common area I see people getting burned out in, but, like I said, it can happen in ways other than work, but you get the point.

Speaker 1:

So the first stage of burnout is where you have initial drive and ambition. This is common for people starting a new job or taking on a new challenge. This is when you set out to prove. But, like they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Of course I'm not saying you shouldn't have driver ambition, because that's crucial for a deeper meaning and purpose in life, but this is where burnout always starts. It's how you handle your ambition that's going to make all the difference. The second stage is where you push yourself to keep working harder, more, more, more. You just got to keep at it. You can't turn the work, switch off and keep trying to move the train forward. That ambition fuels the drive in you to keep working harder. The third stage is when you start neglecting your own needs. It's where you start to let things slip like eating well, getting enough sleep, exercise, fun time with family and friends, rest and the things you need to create an overall healthy balance in life.

Speaker 1:

The fourth stage of burnout is when you avoid or you displace any conflict that rises up as you start to have a hard time keeping up. This is when you start to feel the breakdown and the rhythm that you've had, but you won't look at the imbalance or your actions as the cause, but instead you start to get anxious or feel threatened. It's here. You start to feel overwhelmed, but you're gonna deny that there's a real problem and you just keep justifying your pace and your rhythm, but you're gonna get edgy, punchy and anxious. The fifth stage is when you revise your rhythm, but you're going to get edgy, punchy and anxious. The fifth stage is when you revise your values. Although it might not be at a real conscious level and probably won't be. You're going to say you don't have time for things outside of work. Work becomes the sole focus as you grind away and it starts to come at the expense of family, friends, your hobbies, which have pretty much taken a backseat and become irrelevant at this point.

Speaker 1:

The sixth stage of burnout is denial of the problems that are starting to really show up. This is when you get impatient and even become intolerant of other people. Other people trying to help or co-workers are often looked at as lazy, stupid, incompetent or maybe demanding, and you get more cynical, more impatient and more unreachable, but keep blaming the problems on other people work or lack of time and not on your choices or how you're managing and interacting with work. Instead of taking responsibility, you keep blaming others. The seventh stage of burnout is withdrawal. Here you really start to pull away from family and friends. You're more isolated and you get even more cynical. People inviting you to spend time or do something fun start to feel like a load and a burden and anything but fun. You'd rather just not be invited. This is also a time where you're more susceptible in turning to alcohol or drugs because you want some relief from the stress and overwhelm that's starting to become bigger than you are.

Speaker 1:

The eighth stage is when you start to have changes in your behavior or personality. This is where you really start to slip and simply can't hold it all together anymore. You're just acting out of character. There's noticeably more anxiety or depression. You're sleeping more and maybe not following through with regular responsibilities. You might even start getting aggressive and snap at people for no good reason.

Speaker 1:

The ninth stage of burnout is called depersonalization. It's when you start to feel totally detached from life and most of the things that used to feel important. You don't even experience yourself as valuable or important and everything is on autopilot at this point. The 10th stage is when you start to feel an inner emptiness and life starts to lose its purpose and meaning. This is another stage when there's more of a chance you're going to start using drugs, alcohol, maybe start overeating, using porn, gambling more or some, or gambling for the first time, or some other type of behavior that gives you a quick hit of pleasure, because the pleasure is pretty much gone in all other parts of your life, your life. The 11th stage is depression. Your life has pretty much lost its meaning at this point and you feel hopeless. I don't mean the blues, but real depression. At this point it's way bigger than you are. The last stage of burnout is collapse mental and probably physical as well. You're numb, exhausted and you can't cope. And this is when intervention is necessary. Time off, treatment, therapy what have you? Some sort of mental health treatment is going to be needed because you've reached the point of crisis. So these are the 12 stages of burnout, how they progress.

Speaker 1:

Again, we all have days when we feel burned out, a deadline we have to meet or an unusual period of time that's a lot busier than normal, and I'm not referring to that. I'm referring to a pattern, not an anomaly, a lifestyle and way of going through life that can't also hold the other things that are important to you. It's normal and even admirable to make some temporary sacrifice for a longer-term goal, but I'm talking about a sustained sacrifice that leads to burnout, skewed priorities and values and a loss of balance in life. I've worked with a lot of people who are somewhere in the middle of these stages. They're not happy. Their partners aren't happy with them, they're totally stressed out, but they ignore the signs, they keep making excuses and basically keep kicking the can down the road. I just have to get through this next thing, finish this next project, meet this one last deadline. Whatever their reason is, I can't reach them. People can't reach them who love them, care about them, and it never has a good ending if left unchecked. I'm not saying that everyone who's somewhere in the progression of these stages are all going to get to stage 12 and need some sort of an intervention or have a collapse, but I am saying that if you stay stuck in a pattern that has you locked into some of these stages, there's a price that you're going to have to pay, and you'll have to pay more the longer you keep putting off making some changes.

Speaker 1:

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Speaker 1:

So what does someone do to prevent burnout or turn things around? First thing is you got to look objectively at yourself and be honest. Step back and look at your patterns. Ask yourself what you're valuing and prioritizing, not by how you think, but by what you're putting your time and energy into. Ask yourself how you feel, how balanced things are in your life, how you're taking care of yourself and the people you love, and whether you're tending to those relationships. If you don't like what you see, then it's probably in your and your future's best interest to make some changes.

Speaker 1:

What I typically hear is I can't change. What they're really saying is I don't like my choices. That's different and, again, honesty is crucial here. If you keep telling yourself you can't do anything about your situation, you're going to believe it and you're going to become a victim of your own decisions and your own fiction. If you just admit you don't like the options, but that there are choices, you can at least work with what's real and at least you're in the game.

Speaker 1:

If you're somewhere in the stages of burnout, if people have been trying to get your attention about how stressed you are or say that you never have time for them, or yourself say you don't take care of yourself, if you're honest and you know you're in a pattern that isn't going to magically change itself and it's not working, you're probably going to have to reevaluate how you're going through life, what you're prioritizing, and also ask yourself what really matters. Pick up the signs early. Don't wait till you go through too many of the stages to try and figure it out. Be proactive and, regardless of your particular situation, here's some things you're probably going to need to work on and take a hard look at.

Speaker 1:

The most important question to ask yourself is why are you doing what you're doing? Why are you giving all your time away to whatever you're giving it to? Is it linked with the notion of success, and have you asked yourself where you got that particular definition and if it's really the one you want to live by? Do you do what you do to feel relevant or to have a sense of importance in life? Is it for others like you providing for your family, and have you stepped back to ask if that's really what's most important to them? Because maybe they'd rather have more of a relationship with you and that's what would stick around long after you're gone? Are you just following a script but didn't know that this was the way it was going to turn out? Is it for money? Ask yourself what drives you to do what you're doing and really ask yourself if that's what you want and whether it's working by the way you're working it, or whether it's best to change things.

Speaker 1:

Look ahead and consider where the way you're living life is taking you. Re-evaluate your values and priorities and reassess what's most important to you, why it's most important, and make sure you're investing in that. If you're in a pattern of starting to feel burned out, you're also probably going to have to learn how to set boundaries, learn how to say no to more work, learn to delegate and say no to commitments outside of work that don't lead to more balance or don't line up with keeping your priorities straight. It's going to be tough Again. Don't fall into the trap of saying you can't At least be honest and say it's hard and then make a hard decision. You might need to get better at time management and prioritizing what matters and get more efficient with the things that you set out to do. If you can create a good balance and not ignore major parts of what you need to be emotionally and physically healthy, you're going to be a lot more resilient when hard times do come your way. Try to set things up so difficulty doesn't have to be any harder than it would be on its own. Also, take a look at your lifestyle and your habits. How well do you make room for good sleep, eating well, exercise, time off, rest, fun and time with your friends, yourself and your partner, if you have one? Like I said earlier, it's about balance, consistent balance, not collapsing during the rare three-day weekend because you've been shedding everything else out for the three months prior.

Speaker 1:

For some and this is big it might require a career change or at least a job change. Some jobs demand so much there isn't a way to have enough left over for what matters. That's probably one of the hardest decisions of all, but for some there's no way around it. It's easy to keep ignoring the choice or hoping that things will change, but some people wait too long till there's no choice left. Too much time has gone by and they can't get it back, or they lose their partner, their family or even their health. They pretty much lose everything except what work offers them, and that's no way to live, no matter how much you like your job.

Speaker 1:

Don't wait till you're deep in the stages of burnout to make changes. Changes are easiest to make when they're minor. If you resonate with any of the signs of burnout, now's the time to take them seriously. It's an investment in your future, your health and your relationships. Life is way better when balanced. It's more meaningful, a lot more fun and a lot more free. Try and shift things around so you don't keep giving more than you're taking in and getting back. You've got your one life to devote yourself to and do your best with, so make sure you prioritize yourself and make sure you're giving your time and energy to what really matters and that the investment towards yourself gives you the returns that will last and that will matter most. You got this.

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Sylvia Flanagan

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