Kick Starts

Integrity: Obstacles and Benefits in a Complex World

• Sylvia Flanagan, LMFT, Motivational & Behavioral Coach • Episode 49

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In this episode I discuss the concept of integrity, its essence, and significance in personal growth and development. The discussion explores the challenges to maintaining integrity, including fear of consequences, social expectations, personal desires, moral complexities, and lack of self-awareness.  I emphasize the importance of clarifying and holding fast to your values, being accountable, and seeking support and guidance from like-minded individuals to cultivate and uphold integrity. Practical strategies for cultivating and embodying integrity in daily life are also highlighted, emphasizing the enduring benefit of maintaining integrity in the midst of life's complexities with self-respect and authenticity. Tune in to this episode to gain a deeper understanding of integrity and learn how embodying this virtue can guide you through life's toughest challenges with resilience and grace. 

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Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome to Kickstarts. I'm Sylvia Flanagan, your host, and before we get started, if you like this episode, or if you liked any of the episodes, if you've listened, please leave me a rating and a review and also share this podcast with a friend. It's people like you that help make the podcast grow, and without word of mouth it is not going to grow. So I'd really appreciate it if you do that. So today I'm going to talk about integrity. You know, when it comes to personal growth and personal development, a word which often rises to the surface and gets talked about a lot is integrity. And integrity comes from a Latin word, integer, and that means whole or complete. It originally referred to being undivided, unimpaired or whole. Think back to your math class when you learned about integers whole numbers that weren't fractions. The root word also informs words like integration, and integral also informs words like integration and integral. So integrity speaks about and it speaks to keeping our beliefs, our values and actions united and aligned. It's about doing what's right, even when doing what's right is hard. So when we act with integrity, we honor our wholeness hard. So when we act with integrity, we honor our wholeness and we keep intact what's foundational and that sets the stage for more potential as time goes on. Tough times, hard times they're inevitable. Whether it's a personal crisis, some sort of moral dilemma, you're in a professional setback, our integrity is often tested In fact, it's probably going to be tested daily and it's during these moments that our potential character can really shine through, though Stepping into and exercising integrity means confronting challenges head on, regardless of whether they're uncomfortable, unpopular or if they don't give an immediate payout. Tough situations where we have a choice to act with integrity is also a time where we confront parts of ourself and we have a decision to make about which part of ourself we're going to grow and invest in. When we match our actions with our values, we're going to feel more self-respect and definitely have a stronger sense of peace and direction, at least in the long run. Integrity builds trust and credibility with the people that matter most to us in our life, the people we know the most. But it's mainly ourself we build trust with, because our choices might not always be popular with other people around us, except for those that know us really well, but it is going to foster a sense of clarity and purpose for you and for me when we act with integrity and it'll guide us through the tough spots in life, the tough circumstances, with a lot more resilience and grace.

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So, with all that said, why does so many of us have a hard time moving through situations with integrity when those situations are hard or when we find ourselves in tough circumstances in life? And I'm going to go through some of the reasons why I think we really have a hard time executing integrity. The first is that we fear the consequences. One of the main reasons that people shy away from acting with integrity is they're worried about the consequences, whether it's fear of not being liked, losing a job or maybe jeopardizing a promotion, damaging a relationship because maybe your choice or belief might not be popular with that other person. The possible fallouts can be intimidating. So in a lot of situations we might choose self-preservation over doing what we know is right, and we'll be prone then to rationalizing our actions to avoid the internal discomfort that most of us would have when we know we didn't do what we knew was best. Another reason why we might not walk through a circumstance with integrity is because of social expectations. I mean society, social expectations. I mean society, culture, family, friends and various communities we're a part of. They often impose subtle and unspoken and sometimes spoken expectations or norms that might conflict with our own personal values. So this low-grade feeling of pressure to conform to other people's expectations can lead any of us to compromise our integrity if we're not careful and if we're not aware of what's going on and if we're not ready to do something about it. So if we're not careful, we'll end up unintentionally seeking approval from other people or other groups, instead of looking for approval from our own internal guide, our own internal compass.

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A third reason we want what we want. I want what I want. You want what you want Personal gain. I don't know of anyone who can say it's easy to let go of what they want. I can't say it.

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The desire to get ahead, get what we want or get somewhere quicker, can tempt the best of us when it comes to keeping in step with what defines our own integrity. So whether it's cutting corners, a white lie here or there, doing something you wouldn't want to shout out to the world because you know it's not okay, maybe something you did to get ahead, whether it's to secure a promotion or benefit financially or gain a relationship, the temptation of gain can cloud judgment for any of us. So knowing that when you want things, which it's good to pursue things in life and go for what you want, but know that the other side of that, just around the corner, might be the temptation to compromise your integrity if you face a difficult situation, a fourth reason that we can get stuck at following through with our integrity is just the fact that there's some moral complexities in the world. In fact, there's a lot of them. This one isn't as easy. It's not as easy as just do the right thing, even if it's hard, because, let's face it, life's layered, it's mysterious and it's really ambiguous at times. It's also a journey, and hopefully one where you're going to pick up wisdom along the way.

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Anyone who says that they have it all figured out, you might want to take what they say with a grain of salt. I think that dogmatic approaches often cover up something needing to be unearthed as well. So be careful of philosophies or approaches that are being sold in black and white packages, because life doesn't exist, I mean, while it exists in a paradox. It's that paradox, that black and white, that right or wrong. It's within that paradox that we struggle, and we usually, in fact, I think I can say for myself, always find the most meaning. So life has its share of ethical dilemmas, and they can challenge our integrity. They do. It's just the nature of life. I mean, as people we're flawed, we're in it and we're also responsible for what we do.

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In situations then, so, where there's no clear right or wrong answer, we might struggle to find our way around values and interests that seem to conflict. These situations can sometimes paralyze us or tempt us to take the path of least resistance, the one we're used to, which might mean sacrificing integrity. In these circumstances or situations, try and slow down and be patient. It might be a turning point in life where you realize that what you thought was right before wasn't the whole picture. So here might be a good time for some humility, but it'll be rewarded with growth. It might be a situation we don't have an answer to. It might be a circumstance we hadn't envisioned. So pausing and listening with patience is probably gonna be the best approach. But remember, we're all gonna make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up. Just keep doing your best, keep listening, keep the courage and keep at it.

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A fifth reason why we might drop integrity along the way is lack of self-awareness. Sometimes people aren't living and acting out integrity because they simply aren't self-aware and don't have much clarity of what their values are in the first place. And without a good understanding of values and beliefs, we're probably going to find ourselves lost in a bunch of competing priorities or impulses based on whatever we're drawn to on a given day or in a given circumstance. Without strong values and without an ethically oriented compass, it's going to be pretty easy to justify whatever actions someone takes. A good example of someone who lacks awareness is, let's say, an alcoholic or an addict, and the addiction doesn't have to be drugs. It can be work, porn, video gaming, you name it Anything that has become the sole priority in someone's life and where everything else has become secondary. It has become the compass and what guides them and what they invest their time and their effort into.

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Speaker 1:

So living with integrity isn't about taking the easy path. Like I said before, it's about taking the right path, your path, even when it's hard. Yeah, there's. There's not going to be often an instant payoff, but the payout is going to last and it's going to endure. Here's a few ideas to help you cultivate your own integrity so you can start intentionally manifesting your values and your beliefs in all areas of your life, so that you can become more whole and integrated in regards to what you think, what you value and, definitely, how you act. Those things out.

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The first thing is just know your values. Take the time to reflect on your core beliefs and what you think is of most importance in your life, what matters most to you and what are the principles that you want to uphold regardless of circumstances. Clarify your values, and that's going to help provide a really solid foundation for making decisions as you encounter tough circumstances along the way or tough relationships. Second, stay true to yourself. Trust your instincts and listen to your conscience. Take a breath, pause, just notice that you're scared sometimes, notice that you're worried about you know again the loss or what people might think, because it's not always popular to exercise. You know high standards.

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Integrity requires honesty and self-awareness. So be honest with yourself about your motives, your intentions, and do your best to align your actions with your truth. And third, just be accountable. Hold yourself accountable for your choices and the consequences. Take ownership of your mistakes and learn from them. Accountability is it's tough to find these days. I mean, I think we all want to do it, but it's another thing like integrity. In fact, it's part of integrity. It's hard. Accountability is the cornerstone of integrity and it means you're willing to stand by your decisions, even when they're tough and when you fall short of your own goal. Don't shame yourself or beat yourself up. Just be accountable, admit it, apologize if you need to learn from it, brush yourself off and move on.

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Fourth, don't do this alone. Make sure you keep some company with people who also take integrity seriously. Seek influence, reinforcement and guidance from friends, colleagues and other people who can help give you new perspectives, serve as inspirations and also encouragement. Plus, it's a chance for you to do the same for other people as well. So to wrap this up, integrity isn't just some distant ideal. It's practical, it's a virtue and it'll guide you through life If you make it your cornerstone.

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If you know the things in life that can test and challenge your own integrity, and if you keep in mind the benefits of acting with your integrity, you can get through whatever life throws at you and, at a minimum, feel good about yourself and how you got through it. It's not always going to make the circumstances In fact, it's rarely going to make the circumstances easier but it's going to make your future better and it's going to make you feel better about who you are and how you got through them. Circumstances are always going to change, but you don't have to, or your integrity doesn't have to. I mean, of course, we're hopefully all going to grow with life and change in that respect, but it doesn't have to take from you, rob from you, the thing that is going to help you grow. Remember true integrity isn't challenged when things are easy. The real test comes when things get tough, when they get hard. Know what guides you, be prepared and keep in mind the benefits.

Speaker 1:

Integrity is something that no person or circumstance can take, like I just said, and you can't say that about much of anything else. So do your best to model integrity, even in the face of adversity. Stay whole, stay intact and stay integrated. You got this. Hey, it's Sylvia and I've got an opportunity for listeners, an opportunity to enhance your motivation and stay engaged by subscribing to my Kickstart's text message community. You'll get two short SMS text messages from me each week that are directly related to the week's episode Either a question to consider, a prompt or a reminder of sorts, and of course, it's free, no-transcript.

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Sylvia Flanagan

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