Kick Starts

Imposter Syndrome

• Sylvia Flanagan, LMFT, Motivational & Behavioral Coach • Episode 44

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In this episode I explore the uncomfortable and damaging mindset of Imposter Syndrome, discussing its origins and its profound effects on people in various sectors of life. I outline the five different types of Imposter Syndrome: the perfectionist, the expert, the natural genius, the soloist, and the superman or superwoman, each accompanied by its own unique challenges and behaviors. I unpack the factors contributing to the occurrence of Imposter Syndrome such as family of origin, academic and professional pressures, and comparison and then highlight the negative physical and mental consequences it can elicit. I wrap up by offering practical strategies for overcoming feelings of being an imposter, emphasizing the importance of cultivating a growth mindset, setting realistic goals, utilizing visualization and making use of a supportive network.

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Speaker 1:

Hi and welcome to Kick Starts. I'm Sylvia Flanagan, your host, and I'm about a week late because I lost my voice. For more than a week I had a little cold and somehow it decided that it wanted to completely take out my voice. It's not back to normal yet, but it's close enough and I didn't want to wait any longer. And, as always, please, if you like this podcast, rate it, review it and subscribe and pass it on to a friend.

Speaker 1:

Today I'm going to talk about imposter syndrome and I think to a degree we all, at some point in our life, struggle with it, but some people really struggle with it heavily and I've encountered it a lot in my practice as a therapist and a coach. The concept was first coined in 1978 to psychologists by the last names of Clance and Ims. They wrote a research paper and they referred to what they called imposter phenomenon Phenomena I can never, I never remember what's singular or what's plural and imposter phenomenon. It was described as quote an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be, despite evidence of your success unquote. So basically, imposter syndrome then, and now as we call it. We don't call it a phenomena, we call it a syndrome Imposter syndrome is feeling like you're a fraud, a fake, and that your success is more of a result of luck or that you just simply slipped through the cracks and are waiting to be found out.

Speaker 1:

It's thinking that if people really saw the real you, that you'd be found out as someone who isn't much at all and that you don't belong there or you don't deserve your success. People in all fields, all income levels and all levels of responsibility wrestle with this. Not everybody, of course, but people in every bracket, so to speak. If someone's just entering a field, they might compare themselves to more experienced people or they're going to doubt their abilities in general, and people with a lot more achievement, maybe really successful people that already have established success. They're usually more visible as a result of that and they set really high standards, and that just amplifies their fear of getting found out, so to speak. I've worked with so many people who are just less than tortured because they feel that they're a fake and they feel it's just a matter of time before they get found out. These people who are so smart and they're so accomplished and they have success after success and they still have this mindset that they're not enough, or what they're doing isn't enough, and it's like they're just waiting for the curtain to be pulled on them.

Speaker 1:

But first let's really take a look at imposter syndrome, and you might not know this, but there's five different types and I'm going to go through the five different types of imposter syndrome. The first one is called the perfectionist. For this type of person, it's more about how they do something. It's got to be perfect. Whatever they set out to do, it's got to be perfect, and they set really high standards for themselves. No mistakes allowed, it's got to be flawless along the way, because in their mind, a mistake pretty much poisons the whole. Well, this type of person really struggles with recognizing and celebrating achievements in general due to their focus on imperfections and what they think isn't good enough. The second type is called the expert, and this type focuses more on what and how much they know. They feel the need to know everything before starting something or starting out on a task. And for these types of people, the expert, it's super hard to be a beginner and they fear being exposed as somehow being incompetent or unknowledgeable and, as a result, they might be hesitant or reluctant to take on new challenges due to that fear of getting found out and not knowing everything and not being an expert.

Speaker 1:

The third type of imposter in the category of imposter syndrome is called the natural genius, and this type of person they measure their success or competency on how easily or how quickly they do things. If they set out to do something, it should be done right the first time and it should be done fast. They basically set out to build Rome in a day and they believe that if they can't do something with not much effort, if it's not effortless, that they lack true talent and they expect to excel in all areas and it shouldn't require too much strain or effort because that's a sign of failure in their eyes if it does. This type of person really gets discouraged when they're faced with challenges that require effort, well, actually prolonged effort. The fourth type of imposter is called the soloist and this person they view asking or needing help as a sign of weakness and incompetence. They want to work alone and they don't want to ask for help from others. They feel that their worth is proven by achieving success all by themselves and they typically don't like to work with other people, and they actually might even get stressed out if they have to rely on others or if they work in a team capacity.

Speaker 1:

The fifth and the last type of imposter is called the superwoman or the superman, and this type is the juggler. It's someone who takes on a whole bunch of different roles and expects to excel in all of them at once, and if they struggle in one area, they take that as a sign of overall failure. They should be able in their mind they should be able to do basically everything they set out to do all at once and all really well. So think of the woman who's an executive, a mom, she sits on a board and she also competes in tennis, and you add to the list In her mind, she has to do all of these things flawlessly. And, of course, for men, just substitute whatever he or they might do. These type of people usually have a hard time balancing work and their personal life and other responsibilities, and they usually end up sacrificing their personal well-being Because they're trying to pursue success in so many different areas. So those are the five types of imposters, or people who think they're imposters, and a lot of people they wonder why, why, why does some people end up that way, feeling like they're an imposter and others don't.

Speaker 1:

Family of origin can definitely set the stage for some people. If somebody grew up with a real pressure to succeed, if they were criticized or if they felt or if they were told that they didn't meet a certain benchmark and we're compared to other siblings or their family members or people outside the family, that's gonna be hard. In essence, they might have developed some pretty negative core beliefs about themself, their abilities, and that's gonna get in the way of anybody that grew up in that type of family. It's gonna get in the way of them. Feeling like they've done a good job and that they're good at what they do Doesn't mean they're going to like struggle with imposter syndrome, but it certainly doesn't help and it's gonna increase the odds. Academic and professional pressures can also really trigger feeling that someone's a phony or a fake. There's a lot of expectation and pressure In the app, academic field and in a lot of different professions and this can lead some people to feel that they're just not good enough for that. They're not or that they're not doing enough, and this is something I see a lot in my work.

Speaker 1:

Comparison in general not just in family, but comparison is a big one. Comparing yourself to others Can, and probably will, take you down the wrong path and take you down a rabbit hole, and, most of the time, comparisons made in a vacuum. How somebody interprets another person's success based on just a little bit of information, like, maybe, their job title, what they think their income is, where they live, and they probably don't know anything about the whole life that came before that, about where they started in life and what failures they met along the way, what experience or education they had, what advantages or disadvantages that took place before getting to where they are now. Like the saying goes, comparison is definitely the thief of joy, and in the end, though, it's totally irrelevant. Hey, it's me quick break, so you want to buy me a coffee a virtual coffee that is, if you like my podcast. Consider supporting me in fueling my inspiration. Any support received goes to my heart and not to my pockets, and helps pay for the various expenses needed to produce the show. A coffee's five dollars. Just go to www dot. Buy me a coffee. Dot com. Back slash kick starts. Also, put the link in the show notes. Thanks so much for any support.

Speaker 1:

And then there's the people who have completely unrealistic and unreasonable standards, which is just an invitation to feel like a fake or an imposter. There's a lot of really smart people, successful people, that are out there that they set the bar. They set a bar and set a standard that's almost impossible to clear. So, no matter what they achieve, they won't give themselves much credit. It breaks all the basic rules about goal setting, motivation and main tainting tenacity. They end up working against themselves and just about every, every way, and some people fear success because the higher they climb, the bigger the fall, so to speak. In their mind. It sets up anxiety about maintaining ability after they've achieved something, but an ability that they don't think they really have in the first place. But then, if they haven't achieved something that's considered success, they feel they've failed. It's a no-win situation. They're basically in a double bind Because, I mean, all of us are uneasy with failure.

Speaker 1:

I mean, who likes it right? We all, you know it's always in the back of our minds to some degree or another, but a lot of us don't get overly rattled by it and we keep doing our best without it, keeping us up at night, essentially, or leading us to a bunch of critical thoughts about how we think that we're a fake or an imposter and the impact of how that affects someone going through life essentially feeling that you're a fake, about to get found out. I mean it hits people in lots of different ways. All the pressure that they put on themselves, the critical self-talk, the fear mongering that takes place in their head against themselves, about how they're really not good enough and it's just a matter of time before somebody figures them out, or if they're not going to be able to hold up the front any longer. That's tough, day after day.

Speaker 1:

It's really hard on people who have this narrative and feel like a fake Going through life, feeling like that they're on the edge of getting discovered as someone that they don't think they are. That can have a lot of negative consequences for anybody Anxiety, self-doubt, stress. I mean those are givens. Someone who thinks that they're a fake just lives worried that the walls are going to come crashing down and they feel pretty crappy about themselves because it's so hard to give credit to themselves where credit's due. In some respects they run on empty every day and of course it's going to take a toll on anyone's personal and professional growth. Someone who feels like a fake, like an imposter they're not able to feel their wins, they're not able to celebrate them and they're not able to get motivated from their achievements like other people would, and it's probably going to leave them afraid, feeling a lot more doubt and feeling stuck or pursuing things, but just getting more and more anxious and insecure with each success and advancement because they feel that they really didn't earn it to begin with.

Speaker 1:

Imposter syndrome is going to impact all types of relationships to some degree or another, whether they're personal or professional. In general, they might have trouble trusting others, compare themselves with others a lot and have pretty unrealistic standards and and a fear of being rejected. They might also overextend themselves and have a hard time setting boundaries at work and outside work and have a difficult time accepting compliments. I see this a lot or self sabotage relationships because of the doubt and the insecurity that they feel. Add a minimum they're gonna be more anxious and stressed professionally, depending on what subtype of the types I talked about earlier. Depending upon what subtype that they are, they might be reluctant and have a hard time collaborating with other people at work and with others, and that's gonna keep them from sharing a lot of their ideas and it's gonna keep them From being able to experience vulnerability, which essentially means they're gonna hide parts of themselves From other people and they're not gonna let other people see what they have to offer, and that's gonna hold them back.

Speaker 1:

From a biological standpoint, imposter syndrome is definitely gonna take its toll. If someone feels that they're an adequate and they go through their days, or essentially their life, feeling like they're they're about to get exposed, feeling that they're a fraud, that's gonna create a lot of stress and most likely, someone who lives feeling this way is gonna have a lot more cortisol released, which cortisol is the stress hormone. Living in a more chronic state of worry is gonna increase levels of the neurotransmitters nor epinephrine and glutamate, which are part of the fight or flight system associated with the sympathetic nervous system you might have heard me talk about in other episodes, and that also reduces levels of serotonin and dopamine, leading to feeling less motivated and less content and happy overall. The amygdala, which is the area of the brain that alerts us to danger, is probably gonna become way more active and this just increases feelings of fear and self doubt. In turn, the prefrontal cortex then can't assess situations as objectively and then you're gonna get a lot more faulty thought patterns or neural pathways produced. They get reinforced and believes that you're inadequate. Just continue to get stronger. It all just becomes a big feedback loop, since those negative beliefs just lead to the body responding as if it's in danger, and all of that just leads to strengthened beliefs that there's something to be afraid of when there's not.

Speaker 1:

So what do we do if we have imposter syndrome? How do we get out of it? Obviously, there's no quick fix and, like anything else, it's worth it's salt. It's gonna take some time, but cultivating a growth mindset is really important and I'm gonna do a an episode on that in the future. But essentially it's where you look at failure as part Learning process. You embrace failure as an opportunity to grow and to learn more.

Speaker 1:

You also wanna start celebrating your achievements. Don't wait till the big win. Celebrate each little when along the way, no matter how small, and stress the importance of acknowledging and celebrating all your wins. You also want to recognize and appreciate your strengths. If you can't name them, think about what other people have told you throughout your life, people that know you well, your friends, your coworkers. If you have some nice coworkers that you work with, what have they said about you? What do they like about you? What do they admire in you. Everybody has something that people have told them that they're liked about and they do well. Also, set realistic goals and have realistic expectations. I mean dream big definitely dream big, but make sure your steps to get there are realistic. And also listen to feedback. Listen to constructive feedback, not people that want to tear you down and then just want to criticize you. But there's something important about the people that we trust that sometimes have something to say that might be a little difficult to hear but can help redirect us along a more successful path, and that feedback is a really good tool for improvement.

Speaker 1:

Also, visualize what you want. Whether you want to call it meditation, visualization, prayer manifestation, just visualize the success that you want to have and imagine yourself taking the steps to get there. Grow that mindset that is positive and forward-thinking and motivated and excited and sees yourself as winning. Use affirmations also. I mean sometimes we have real blocks or real problems we have to get through, but visualize yourself getting through those roadblocks and getting around those barriers. And using positive affirmations is also going to influence neuroplasticity, where you rewire your circuitry to have thought patterns, new thought patterns that are going to help you behave in ways to help you reach your goals.

Speaker 1:

Also, utilize your supportive network, and if you don't have a strong community, it just takes one or two people, especially a mentor. If you have a mentor or a community of people, whether that's personal or professional, utilize that. Get feedback, work together, even if you're the type that doesn't like to work as a team so much. Let yourself be seen and let yourself also see other people that could add to your ideas and also add to your motivation. Don't, or try not, to look at other people's success as something to trigger you to think that you're a failure. Instead of looking competitively in terms of either they've succeeded or you've failed, look at them as someone to learn from, and also remember that other people can learn from you.

Speaker 1:

So, at the end of the day, feeling that you're an imposter is really just a way to undervalue yourself. Keep what you have to offer from other people and, in the end, those people don't get to experience you and the gifts that you have. It's also a form of comparison there's nobody like you, there's nobody like me. We all have our own pace, our own gifts, our own challenges, and everybody's circumstances are different. In the end, it doesn't matter where anybody else is. It only matters where you were yesterday and hopefully today you're a little bit better and tomorrow you're going to be a little bit better than today. So you really can't be a fake when you stay in your own lane. So remember, you have something to offer. There's somebody out there who can benefit from you and what you have to offer every day of your life. You don't need the stress, you don't need the worry. So the next time that little imposter sneaks in, just identify it for what it is. Try to kick it to the curb. You got this.

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Sylvia Flanagan

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